Veronica Pryor-Faciane Oral History, 2022/05/26

Self Description: "Well, my name is Veronica. And I am the mother of four. And I'm married. I went through a lot of trauma growing up. So to be introduced, another traumatic experience shows the resilience that has been cultivated me over time."

Some of the things we discussed include:
Generational trauma.
Surviving 28 years of incest, and spiritual, financial, and mental abuse; going through the trauma of the pandemic after experiences of past trauma; truth-telling; publicly sharing one’s story and mental health activism.
The physical impact of emotional stress.
Coping mechanisms; history of suicide attempts.
Learning self-love; reparenting oneself; letting go of trying to control the uncontrollable.
Working as an auditor in the school system pre-pandemic.
Training as a Licensed Professional Counselor; transitioning careers to being Social, Emotional, and Learning Specialist in the school.
Getting sick in December 2019 and still being sick in February 2020; losing sense of smell in March 2020; being hospitalized and going on a ventilator.
The kindness of a nurse and nurse’s assistance while hospitalized alone.
Returning home and continuing to isolate; masking in the house; going back to the hospital again.
Coming to peace with the possibility of transitioning/passing; worrying about surviving children.
Donating antibodies to help others; giving blood more often after this experience.
Long-COVID.
The news and the media’s impact on mental health.
Having four children; their distinct reactions to the pandemic; their pandemic concerns; online education.
One teenage son’s mental health in the aftermath of the murder of George Floyd; son hospitalized for depression.
Fearing for the safety of Black sons.
Open discussions with children about mental health and suicidal ideations.
Diagnosis with fibromyalgia and surgery; mindset and healing; gratitude as medicine.
Living in a state with a lot of [chemical] plants and high cancer rates.
Listening to children’s feelings and validating their feelings about COVID more than talking.
Lack of childcare; putting cameras in the house after returning to work to watch kids; taking a child to work.
Raised as a Baptist and moving to spirituality, prayer, and meditation; astrology, chakras, and crystals.
Friends dividing over politics.
Intentionality, living in the present, patience; morning grounding rituals; breathing.
Healing ourselves as a way of healing the world.

May 26, 2022

Kit Heintzman

Veronica Pryor-Faciane

Kit Heintzman

Video

English Health & Wellness

English Healthcare

English Home & Family Life

English Race & Ethnicity

Black

covid positive

ventilator

hospital

family

children

motherhood

adenomyosis

affirmations

antibodies

Baptist

Baton-Rouge

Black

children

colonics

COVID+

depression

education

fibromyalgia

gratitude

hospitalization

hugs

laughter

life coach

Louisiana

LPC

media

mindset

monkeypox

motherhood

nurse

oxygen

race

racism

religion

resilience

schooling

selflessness

spirituality

suicidality

swab

symptoms

thriving

trauma

ventilator

Black Voices

Motherhood

07/05/2022

07/25/2022

01/18/2023

05/26/2022

Kit Heintzman

Veronica Pryor-Faciane

Baton-Rouge

Louisiana

United States of America

Video

English

01:24:51

Some of the things we discussed include:
Generational trauma. Surviving 28 years of incest, and spiritual, financial, and mental abuse; going through the trauma of the pandemic after experiences of past trauma; truth-telling; publicly sharing one’s story and mental health activism. The physical impact of emotional stress. Coping mechanisms; history of suicide attempts. Learning self-love; reparenting oneself; letting go of trying to control the uncontrollable. Working as an auditor in the school system pre-pandemic. Training as a Licensed Professional Counselor; transitioning careers to being Social, Emotional, and Learning Specialist in the school. Getting sick in December 2019 and still being sick in February 2020; losing sense of smell in March 2020; being hospitalized and going on a ventilator. The kindness of a nurse and nurse’s assistance while hospitalized alone. Returning home and continuing to isolate; masking in the house; going back to the hospital again. Coming to peace with the possibility of transitioning/passing; worrying about surviving children. Donating antibodies to help others; giving blood more often after this experience. Long-COVID. The news and the media’s impact on mental health. Having four children; their distinct reactions to the pandemic; their pandemic concerns; online education. One teenage son’s mental health in the aftermath of the murder of George Floyd; son hospitalized for depression. Fearing for the safety of Black sons. Open discussions with children about mental health and suicidal ideations. Diagnosis with fibromyalgia and surgery; mindset and healing; gratitude as medicine. Living in a state with a lot of [chemical] plants and high cancer rates. Listening to children’s feelings and validating their feelings about COVID more than talking. Lack of childcare; putting cameras in the house after returning to work to watch kids; taking a child to work. Raised as a Baptist and moving to spirituality, prayer, and meditation; astrology, chakras, and crystals. Friends dividing over politics. Intentionality, living in the present, patience; morning grounding rituals; breathing. Healing ourselves as a way of healing the world.

Kit Heintzman 00:02
Hello.

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 00:04
Hi.

Kit Heintzman 00:06
Can I please start by asking you to state your full name, the date, the time and your location?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 00:13
My full name is Veronica Yvette Pryor-Faciane. The date is May 26 2022. And the time is 1:07pm. Central Standard Time.

Kit Heintzman 00:29
And where are you located?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 00:31
In Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

Kit Heintzman 00:35
All right.

Kit Heintzman 00:37
And do you consent to having this interview recorded, digitally uploaded and publicly released under Creative Commons License attribution noncommercial sharealike?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 00:47
Yes, I do.

Kit Heintzman 00:49
Would you please start by just introducing yourself to anyone who might find themselves listening to this? What would you want them to know about you?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 00:57
Well, my name is Veronica. And I am the mother of four. And I'm married. I went through a lot of trauma growing up. So to be introduced, another traumatic experience shows the resilience that has been cultivated me over time. i At that time I worked I was working in a school system as an auditor, so I was around a lot of people. Before we actually found out what was going on during this period, I did get a little sick, I do have some of the high markers for getting sick with COVID. And at first I thought it was just something with my allergies. So I went to go get the allergy shot in January because it started like around November, December, they had the crud going around in the schools, which is normal in school systems. So once it will get an allergy shot.

Kit Heintzman 02:11
And sorry, you're talking about January 2020. Right?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 02:15
Yes Jan well January 2020. Because it's I started getting sick in 2019. Like I say what the crowd and the school systems, we just thought it was just a regular crud it is I went to go get an allergy shot in January. But by February, I still wasn't getting better. So when again at the beginning of March, and to ask for another shot. And it was like Veronica, like it's not getting no better. In my allergies. I'm still all Haiti and everything. And then I'll never forget March 16 2020, when we were told that we were going to be sent home, and not to come to work because of COVID. Like what's COVID. And that will be a day I never forget. Because weeks after that. I started losing my smell and my taste. And I had no desire to eat. And so I told my husband I said, well just stay in the room. Because I'm just not feeling good. Still never put two and two together. And my children kept saying mama, you got to get up. I'm like, Nah, I just don't feel like it. Then after a while my legs just started aching, like a horrible today, both of them. And I didn't want to move I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to drink. I didn't want anything. When my fever started spiking, that's when I started getting a little concerned, because I used to have a high tolerance for pain, just like to say because of the trauma that I went through. And just to give a little backstory to that. At that time, in 2020, I had just made 2020 I had just made things 49 49. About 49 I think it was and because I'm 51 now. And so my birthday is in January. So I had been through incestuous abuse 28 years of my life. So I'm kind of used to keep taking a lickin and keep it ticking. Because that's just how life was for me that was my truth. But this kind of put me on my behind when my fever wouldn't go down. I told my husband I said think I need to go to the hospital because I don't want my children to get sick and we're blessed that my room has a bathroom in it so I was able to isolate from them for a period of time so went to the hospital and sure enough that's what I had COVID.They put me on a breathing machine because I kept, I was unable to and even now, you will hear me still pull in to take a breath because I still have some of those symptoms in from the out from the fallout from it. I was hospitalized for a week, over what seven days, I think it was seven days. And it was very nerve racking. I didn't have enough breath, to really talk to my children. And I have so many thoughts going through my mind. Because they had just not too long ago lost my mom because of depression. And she stopped eating because of the abuse that we suffered at the hands of my father. And I'm like, Lord, I don't want them to have to go through this. They're going through grief already. I just inside just say my prayers. And then I had to shift my mindset to not focus on the TV, I stopped watching the news, I stopped watching the numbers. Because it was only it was only putting me in a bad state. And so I kind of just focused on me, and the things that I can control. And, and going into the hospital, it was gloomy, because I really didn't. You of course your family can't come in. And you had no one technically, but I will never forget my nurse assistant and my nurse. They became my family. They show me so much love and my doctors that was there. I remember one nurse, she had told me that she, I guess didn't even have an opportunity to let herself finish healing. And she came back as soon as her symptom subsided. And I was in the critical care unit on oxygen or what have you.

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 07:02
But I just I was grateful I had to have a pot hot in my room because I was so weak, I was not able to really get to the restroom on my own without possibly falling. Because I had lost extreme amount of weight. I had no appetite. And I really didn't want to drink anything. And And I'll never forget that I came out I was released on Easter of that year. So can we talk about a resurrection, I will never forget that resurrection day and I came home. And of course, I had to go back to my room, because I still was showing the symptoms, but they had subsided. I was home for several weeks went to the doctor, I think it was after six weeks, but a checkup and my breathing wasn't getting too much better. So little bit further down the line because I had develop fluid and stuff around my heart. And I was really having challenges breathing. And I still tried to find something to be grateful for. And that was the fact that we weren't at work. So I didn't have to worry about not getting paid like some because my job still paid me. I didn't have to worry about my children not having anything to eat or whatever. Because we were able to take care of things. And I was grateful. Just going through a lot of challenges my husband was trying to because he was a truck driver and trying to get our truck fixed. And he didn't tell me because normally I take care of the business side of different things and he tried to get his truck fixed. When I was in a hospital and they done something wrong. It didn't last a date. But $5,000 Later, he was going in it's like okay, we still don't have work because he was the main source of income along with my check. Okay to go back to the hospital, I was hospitalized again, another seven days with them trying to get my breathing together. And I remember going to my own primary care once I got out. And it was just so nerve wracking. Because you will see all these people and you will hear people talking about losing loved ones and of course my family lost loved ones and we had loved ones that were hospitalized. And in fact one of my aunts now out of New York, ever since COVID She's been totally bed ritten and that's been a long time that just have to be on your bed. But um, she had like a lot of hand markers for what caused her problems just like I did with you as diabetes, blood pressure problems with that kind of comes along sometimes with the territory. Also things are able to go weird. And then the stresses of life that I had to go through my having to have that conversation, the second time with my children, because the first time my husband was still nervous, he didn't even tell them where I was. And I didn't find out till later on, they thought I was on one of my trips, because I go tell my truth about being a thriver of incestuous abuse and domestic violence. And so they thought I had left out of town, he never did tell them. I was in a hospital because he was like, Veronica was scared my own self I didn't know what to expect. But I didn't know how to answer this. I just didn't tell them. But the second time I went, because I had a conversation with them. I was like, I appreciate your point of view, and how you felt, but God forbid, what if something would have happened, then when they would have looked at you like, why we didn't know. And so I text them. The second time I went in, I would send text messages, because I still didn't have a strong grip, because of the lack of oxygen. And, and that's how I kind of kept in contact with my babies, and my husband and trying to keep them kind of calm. And just let them know that I'm gonna do my best that I can do. And that's all I can do. But just learn to live in the presence and love yourself, and to know that I love them, no matter what happens and, and just I was telling them, my hopes for them. And it was so nerve wracking because even though I kept the faith that everything was gonna be fine. Either way, because even if I transitioned, and that's the word I use for passing, transition,

12:00
I was at peace, because to me, I knew who my maker was. But I wasn't at peace for my babies, because they're still so young. And I wanted to make sure that they had enough instilled in them. And it's just so many thoughts kept going through my mind. And when I went to the hospital, the second time, the doctor happened to be turning when he was making the rounds, and they happen to stop on the news station. And he was like, don't look at that. And I was like, I was just giving you my attention, trying to talk the best that I can. And he was like, I just don't want you focusing so much on that. So it hurt your healing. And I appreciate him saying that, because I felt the same way. And it was like, okay, confirmation from somebody that was in the medical profession. And it was just so much, because now I had to go to a cardiologist and a pulmonologist, and then all these different ologists because of this bug, because of however it started, whether it be in a lab, because there's somebody doing whatever. And just thinking about that it could have been something man made just made me so angry, just thinking about the fact that they may have had clues about this happening, and didn't tell us ahead of time, because maybe I would have been a little bit more careful going into, I don't know what I would have done, but you just have so many thoughts going through your mind and, and then I had to just calm it down. It's like you know what, I can't change it. All I can do is deal from where I'm at right now. And it took a toll on my children, it took a toll on my husband, it took a toll on my body. And even now with everything going on, I refuse to live in fear because I'm still in the school system. And I work even more with kids and I tell my children, I don't want you to live in fear. I don't want you to have to deal with our so called new normal. And I live life in the present because you want to be a recluse because you scared to be around people or to go anywhere. That's no type of life and I don't want to live that way. And I don't want them to live that way. So that that's my story.

Kit Heintzman 14:22
Thank you so much for sharing this.

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 14:25
You welcome.

Kit Heintzman 14:27
I'd love to hear from you. How you understand trauma to impact physical health.

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 14:39
The way I understand it, because everything starts with your mind what your thoughts how you choose to look at your thoughts and how you choose to respond and not just react. And I knew that if I just focused on just the negative and I did and have an ounce of gratitude someplace. Because that was my medicine. Besides the other medicines that they gave me, I knew that I can have all the medicine in the world from my first trauma, and going through the abuse, and yet it gave me my antidepressants. They gave me all these things. But I still was depressed, I still wasn't living my truth. And I knew that I had to work on my mindset, it was all about mindset. And so from that experience, I really am grateful, because I think it prepared me for this experience, and weird type of way. Because it's like, I knew I can only control my thoughts. Even when I couldn't move. I can control what I thought about I can, I can control my happiness. Even when I say this, like, okay, yes, this is going on. But what do you have to be grateful for? I kept saying, Yes, this is going on, I did not not acknowledge what was going on, because that's what was true. But I also acknowledged things that I was grateful for. And to me, that was the best medicine ever, was to keep my positivity going. And was to just just keep my head up, literally up, even though I was laying flat on my back, was just to keep my positiveness going. And I just knew, like I say, from past experiences on how it helped with my healing journey, because I had a surgery, think of fibromyalgia and all this other stuff was going on with my body. But coming to find out, it was my mindset span. And why me why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this abuse that I was experiencing? So what after I came out of surgery from that, and then after healing, and I still have some of the same pains. And that's when I learned from looking at me almost as my own hypothesis to a certain extent, my own scientific experience, like wait a minute, I had surgery, but nothing's fixed. And then that's when I realized it was my thoughts that needed to be fixed. And so I just hone in on my thoughts a lot. I don't let other people's Now it doesn't mean it doesn't impact because I'm human. I have feelings, but I try to be mindful of my circle. I used to have a big circle, but it's not so big. Because I don't like all that negativity. I try to be mindful of being on social media, and watching what other people say, because that takes control of you. I even try to watch be mindful watching certain movies. If it puts me in a negative state, I don't watch them. Because it impacts me physically. So

Kit Heintzman 17:49
Why do you call yourself a thriver?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 17:51
I call myself a thriver. Because some people, when they go to things, they don't grow to things. And what I mean by that is, say for instance, like right now, my broth, my baby brother, made it through COVID made it through all those things. But he could get out of the thoughts out of his head of the abuse that we experienced, and he was younger, he had an aneurysm at 36, just five days after the seven year anniversary of my mom's transition, and they pronounced him brain dead on the 29th of March. And in spite of life's challenges, I keep thriving, I keep moving, it may not be a fast paced move, because nobody gets out of a can get around going through the grieving process. Nobody can say, oh, it's gonna be this, this, this. It's a process. And we all got to experience that in one form or fashion. And that's just like, even with COVID, it's a process. I only thought I would see that when I read about the Black Plague and all those things when I was in school. And I used to wonder how those people made it, looking at all those deaths and mass graves. And to me, the ones that made it with thrivers they were just a virus, they actually thrive, they knew how to pick themselves up by the bootstraps, and keep moving in spite of life's happenstance, because things is gonna happen. Things that we don't have no control over. We don't have control over what happens. However, I do have control over how I respond to what happens. And that's why I call myself a thriver. Because I'm intentional about my responses, no matter what happens.

Kit Heintzman 19:55
I'd like to go back to some of what you shared about the first hospitalization. And I guess the first question I have is, when did you decide to go to a hospital?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 20:08
When it was vic, when old people used to say, girl, when you see that that that, the yellow fleme, you got infection in your system. And so when the fleme was getting to where it was past yellow, almost like a dark green. I'm like, this aint right. And my husband, he was he, he's a good nurturer. And he kept wanting to come around me. And I was concerned, because of course, we watch and we're going on in the news. And I'm thinking they gotta have at least one parent. And so I had to remove myself from the situation, because I was concerned that by him, even though he would come out, if I'm, if I did get to sleep, sometimes I'll wake up and he would, be right there trying to hug me or put iced. And I'm thinking, you can get this too. And so when I was having problems breathing, and in the back of my mind, I knew I needed to remove myself from the situation, which was our home, because I wanted him to be at least there for them. God forbid, if it was my time to go. And so when my chest was, it was, it was so hard to pull just a single breath. That's when I made the decision to go because I felt like I was about to literally transition.

Kit Heintzman 21:32
What was it like when you showed up at the hospital?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 21:36
When I showed up, it just felt almost like I was in a dream. I'm like, this is for real happening. This is not a dream. I seen all the people suited up with their protective gear on to have to walk up to a hospital. And then it's like, they might just say, because I'm treating you like you up in a plague because it was a plague. And it's like, it's not that they're doing it because they want it to but they have to protect themselves is well in to be having to be swamped. That was so hurtful. Because it's like, I felt like they went to my brain. And, and I like I say I have a high tolerance for pain. But that was ridiculous. And even going up there and just sitting and just not knowing, but yet knowing if that makes sense. Because listening to all the symptoms and stuff. It's like even even though I had had a test, I just knew that's what it was. And when they came back and told me was that they was keeping me in a hospital. I found gratitude because I said Lord, at least my children that may make it my husband may make it because I was out there situation. I didn't want to harm them. And it's like I said it was just nerve racking. And then after the second time once I finally with to the second trip to the hospital, and then then I got to the because I'm a normal nurturer. That's just me. After being through so much abuse, I just love helping people. And that's one of the reasons I even in my 50s went back to school to work on my LPC. Because it's like, I know the power of the mind. I know the power of thoughts. And I just want others that have been through whatever trauma they went through, whether it be COVID, whether it be there's no monkey pox thing that's going on or whatever it may be abused, whatever, to let them know that you can find peace in spite of the storm, which are thoughts. And I just my doctor, I'd went when as soon as I found out that I could possibly help others were even given antibodies. When he was doing the testing. I volunteer for that because it's like, I wouldn't worse wish this feeling on the work my abuser, the person that hurt me. And because I don't like calling people enemies, but I'm just saying the ones that I wouldn't wish that on no one. And when I thought I can help I kept going. I subjected myself because you didn't have to this was volunteer to give suave and this is before they started just doing the tip of your nose. This was when I did was doing the brain dig. I think it was three or four times I had to wait because he had to wait a period of time before you have the next one. And I show being positive for almost six months before I can actually give antibodies to help somebody else after I started my healing process and that was a long time for it to still show in my system.

Kit Heintzman 24:59
Could you describe what given me antibodies looks like?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 25:04
Well, when I was given the antibodies, it was almost like they was just taking blood from me, like, I'm going to give blood and I went to the place and they would stick my arm and do whatever they needed to do. And just take the platelets and, and take so many days, and then I would wait a period of time. And then I will go back again to give platelets again because I was still showing, and with the antibodies in my system, and I just, it was just like given blood to me when I will get go and give blood. And for me, I didn't give blood often. But after COVID, I started being more of a contributor, because it's like, if you could just help one person. To me, that's what's important. Because we have so many things going on in the world, we'd hate in anything. And I was like, if I could just be that one spark of light or hope for somebody, then to me, My life wasn't in vain. No matter how long God gives me on this earth.

Kit Heintzman 26:11
You mentioned the kindness of nurses and nursing assistants. Could you give an example or two of moments where you were receiving that kindness.

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 26:26
I can even I can give with my baby brother. He had his first stroke, April 1 of 2021. When we went to bring him to the hospital, and they put him on the floor, we still of course was in mask, the mask mandate was still on. And when I walked in there, and I saw a nursing assistant from a distance. And I looked and I kept looking at them when he got closer, I just started crying. And I immediately ran to him. Because he didn't just take care of me the first time. When he was odd, he was able to take care of me the second time as well. And when I saw him there, all I could do is just tell him how grateful I was. Because once again, I had to pick what I could be grateful. And in my mind, that was my family. Because they couldn't get to me. But he kept coming in there and kept assuring me and say everything's gonna be alright, you're gonna be all right. No matter what I'm gonna be he put his life in jeopardy for me

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 27:38
{crying/inaudible] . I can't thank them enough for that. Because when you hear of people being selfless. It's like if this world has so many more selfless people, I don't think we will be having all this stuff going on in the world. And so to see nurses leaving their families because I think one of my nurses she, her children, she had to send them away with her husband, because they could she couldn't be around because they were young it out. I don't even think her babies was young. And to see them being selfless and not selfish. Is like you can't put a dollar amount or how much that was worth

Kit Heintzman 28:40
How old are your children?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 28:44
They are now 17 One will be 16 next month was 14 and my baby girl is 10.

Kit Heintzman 28:54
What's motherhood been like for you during the pandemic?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 28:59
During a pandemic, it's it's been an emotional roller coaster. Because I didn't want to smother them. But yet I wanted to protect them if that makes sense. I want them to not live in fear. Because then when you live in fear, you're not really living and then having to go to school. Then being sent home because they will close contacts and then having to stay out for a period of time and praying it praying that they they're able to pass these tests because like the first year they wavered, the highest stakes testing, but then they didn't this year and it's like so just want them to do their best. And then yet not beat to strenous, because there's another like, I need you to do this, knowing that we're not living in our own normal way in our new norm. Because I don't know, I don't like saying we're not living in normal times, because this is normal times, this just happens to be our new normal, can't go back to where we was, because that's not there anymore, it can change, just like, every time we wake up, we're just a little bit older than the last day that's gone, I can't get that anymore. So being a parent, I just try to be more intentional with them, to teach them how to be more in the present, and how to just look at things like a breath of a breath of fresh air, no matter what it is, and it taught me to even be more patient with them, I look at things that I used to be angry about not the same, because you just never know when your last time it, if it brought that closer to the forefront of your mind, I guess, a transition because you just don't know. And it just made me appreciate even when they're going through stuff, even if they're not listening, I look at that differently as more of a teaching experience. Because it's like, you know what, at least I have the opportunity to have this experience with them because I could have been gone, or they could have been gone. Or we all could have been gone. So I just with motherhood now I have a great appreciation for it.

Kit Heintzman 31:39
What are some of the ways you saw your children adapting?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 31:46
Well, one of my sons I saw them learn how to have school on a computers full time at home. One of them didn't adapt too well to that because even with me, I had to put cameras in the house because after a certain period of time, you did have to go back to work because I do work in the school system. And that was just trying to get some type of normalcy. So that means I was one of the I guess you would call it like frontline after the nurses going back to get the school systems up and going to try to give our world some sort of normalcy in putting cameras in our house to try to watch them, making sure they're doing what they need to do was different. Trying to see them actually go to their work with learning from teachers in a virtual platform was a little different, but not too different. Because they kind of was already transitioning to a lot of things online anyway, it was just them having to get up and actually follow a routine at home, knowing that they can go to the refrigerator anytime on knowing that they could do this anytime. It had to. They had to learn more self discipline. And that was a challenge for children. Because even when I brought my baby girl with me to work when they allowed me being at school, she did allow me to play her watch her because it wasn't working for her too well. She was in the second. No, she felt she didn't finish the second when she went to the third grade. I mean, I had work with me trying to focus doing my stuff, and the teacher would take me What is she doing? And I'm looking between my computer's camera, what are you doing? Oh, I decided to take a break. So that was just it was a whole new normal for us, where you would have teachers having to actually take so parents having to sit behind the screen with a child to make sure that they're doing what they need to do. Or try to give all you see the deficiencies, because she had lost so much in her edge during that time. Because, of course, I'm just trying to keep my head so I wasn't able to spend time with a reading in which I was just going to pick up a book, when you're trying to just make sure that your parent is doing fine. Because I mean the ones that may have not had that experience of a loved one getting sick, they may have could have focused on those things. Because of course, we do have the Bucha platform where you can eat books and stuff. But for my children, they just wanted me to keep promising them that I was going to be alive. So and they really didn't want me to go to work, but I had to.

Kit Heintzman 34:34
What would you say to them when they asked you to promise to keep living?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 34:40
I would tell them, I can't do that. I say mama one thing that I would tell you is that I'm going to be here as long as my preordained time is to be here. But I don't want you to focus on that because when you focus in on the what if you're not living in the present, and I said I want you to always Just learn to live in a present. It's not saying that you can't plan for the future. But don't be so engrossed on the future. So you can't smell the roses. What you need to smell right now, metaphorically. And I just kept telling them that. And because I refused, I was not going to lie to them. Because I think it would have been worse. If I say, oh, yeah, I'm gonna be here, then something would have happened to me. Because it's like, I tell them, I say, Yeah, I have to say, I'm gonna be here. And it may not be COVID. But what if it's a drunk driver? What if it's this, what if it's that it could be something, I could have allergic reaction to something that's like, so never live in fear. Because I can't probably even if COVID was here, I can't promise you that. Because no one knows that. All I can do is promise you that I'm going to be the best mom that I can be with the days that I'm given with you. And that's what I just kept telling her. I just kept loving on it, to help them to tell them about having good memories. And that's why I told my say, y'all now after COVID I've been more intentional with doing videos, I've been with videos, not just pictures, because we always take pictures. But with videos because it's like, you can go back and at least hit that person's voice. You can go back and see happy times and all those things so that with the shift of COVID it had me being more mindful of doing these types of things so they can have those memories for them.

Kit Heintzman 36:33
And you were saying you did your LPC training during the pandemic, is that right?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 36:39
Well, I started it during the pandemic. Towards the end, I went back to school to start on my counselor because I was went to school with my first master's and life coaching with psychology. And so many people kept saying, Well, how do you do this because even asked, I would do little mini videos and stuff on Facebook Lives to just encourage people to show resilience and press civilian perseverance in spite of life's happenstance. And so when people would have to start going through things, I was like, well, you need a therapist, someone that will know I want to work with you. And so that kind of catapulted me into what I'm doing right now. And I'm grateful I am. Because now I get to work with the teachers. In the youth analysis system, I'm after 21 years, I'm no longer auditor, but I'm a social emotional learning specialist, which is getting more into the holistic child with them dealing with their emotions and feelings and all that other good stuff.

Kit Heintzman 37:51
Has the training different because it's been taking place during COVID than it might have been before?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 38:00
Um, I'm not gonna say it's the new normal. So it's like, even when we're doing with stuff, I don't think about how it used to be, I just kind of focus on what I have right now. Because that's all I can control. So like we're doing it. It's like, I have to be mindful, especially when I have to get ready because I'm get ready to start doing my clinicals and my practicum. But it's no different than me with my job not going into the schools. So like even going to the schools, I have some of my co workers that has some of their own comorbidity markers just like I do. And they tend to want to stay away. Whereas I know that people need that socialization part. Even when I was doing when my son was playing baseball right after last year, and went to go pick up something on the parents side, from the jump Elias shop and the manager that was there you can see she was having a challenging day. And I told her I say it's okay, I got it, just have a seat. And towards the end, she was like you didn't have to do that most people would do that. She was like, I just wish I could just get her because so many people are scared to do this. And you know, when you look at people with COVID, if somebody calls, they have a certain response, because you live in fear. And I refuse to do that to people. And I was hospitalized twice. Because I know the importance of touch. I know the importance of socialization. I know those important, because it's like medicine, that's we're social beings. And so to be locked down, that's when the depression and all that stuff was to me amplified and projected and suicide rate was going up because you were missing out on that socialization beats. And so I gave her a hug. I said, well here give me up. She was like you're not scaring us sky. I said if this can help you, I'm not I'm not going to live in fear. And that's how I choose to continue living. If I could get through 28 years of that abuse, I can get Are you trying to commit suicide I tried to get out of the deuce. And I couldn't even get it right with the medicine, the doctor said, No matter what was in your system, you need to start doing whatever you need to do because you should be dead. I refuse to live in fear, no matter what going on. And that's just how I choose to live my life. Now, that may not be for everybody. But that's how I choose to live my life.

Kit Heintzman 40:27
What does spirituality mean to you?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 40:31
Spirituality means to me, is knowing that. Like I say, I don't look at when I hit a word death. To me that needs final. I know that we're spiritual beings, I know that. When it's time for me to transition, that just means that this body can no longer take it. Take the things of life of whatever is going on. But I know my spirit lives on. So no, I don't know what to expect. No, I don't know none of those things. But I'm not going to live in fear, spirituality to me, does that mean I'm going into a church building, it doesn't mean that I'm going under a specific religion. Because for me spirit, spirituality is personal. It's whatever works for you, that gives you your peace. So like, for me, I practice meditation, I practice prayer. A lot of times, I'll tell people now mistake and different things. And I was raised under being a Baptist. But I don't subscribe to that anymore. Because spirituality means I'm able to connect to my fellow sisters and brothers, no matter what religion, I shouldn't have a religion define me, I shouldn't have color divide me. But as long as I know that we're kindred spirits. That's where I find my connection. That's where we find our unity strength. And that's what it means for me.

Kit Heintzman 42:07
Would you share about how you moved from being raised as a Baptist into different kinds of spiritual practices, including meditation and prayer?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 42:21
The way I moved into it, because even with the Bible, it says, Study to show thyself approved. And so many people look for other people to give them guidance. And not knowing that everything you need is inside of you. Yes, the preacher can give you tools, just like a doctor could give you tools, just like a therapist could give you tools. But it's up to you to utilize those tools. So I chose to look at all the tools that's been put in this world, no matter who they were, it could be from Buddha, it could be from Sadguru, it could be from different people from different cultures or whatever. But when you look at it, it all comes back to the same place. It's a spiritual journey. It's not a religious journey, religious journey you don't do this this way, then you're wrong. That's not true. That's not true at all. Just because I do something a little bit different. It just makes me a little different. It doesn't make me wrong. And so with spirituality, for me, it helped me to grow past the things I've been through because my abuser was a minister, my father was a minister. So if I just subscribed to that, and I looked at him, then I will say, Oh, God hated me, which I did. I was like, if this is what spiritual, if this is what religion is, I don't want it because you use the Bible to hurt me. And I've seen that in so many different things. But then when I had my own spiritual wall, that was something personal. And that means for me, if it's be learning how to balance my chakras, if it's me learning how to look at different stones of his me learning how to go with the full moon and new moon, learn about Mercury retrograde. That's nothing wrong with that. That's just learning because we're, we're mainly water. So when I started for myself, I'm thinking, well, this makes sense. And it lines up with the Bible, it lines up with other people from other religions say they just do it a little differently. But that doesn't make them wrong. And so when I started learning what works for me, it just gives me so much peace. And that's how I started my spiritual journey. Because it was a part of my healing journey. Because when I looked at religion, religion, one had me wanting to kill myself because I'm like, what kind of God would have me hurt by somebody that's supposed to protect me. And then when I started Learning that he's a giving God or she's a given God or whatever you choose to subscribe to, because I don't know if it's a he, I don't know if it's a sheet, and it really doesn't matter. All I know is that's how I find it.

Kit Heintzman 45:19
What brought you to start speaking publicly about your experiences thriving after incest?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 45:30
That breath of fresh air. Because when therapists will say that you're, you're not a normal person. And that might not be the terms, but I know what they meant. It's like when you see people that have been through things, and I don't like to put markers on somebody's trauma. But when you look at going through 28 years, and the last night that I was in, hopefully this is not triggering, sexually abused by my birth father, because it wasn't just sexual abuse. It was mental abuse, spiritual abuse, physical abuse, it was financial abuse, he's still my money, all kinds of stuff. And I know I see the world and I see so many hurt people. And to me, I don't, I know, I was not allowed to grow to this, to be selfish and keep it to myself. Because so many people are looking for answers so many people, and if they could just know that the answers is within them, and to not pull on the clouds that are not serving them. And what I mean by that is, to me, thoughts are like clouds, you choose which thoughts you hang on to. And as based on how you were, like your socialization, and how you were brought up and everything that goes on in society. That's why I don't watch TV as much. That's why be mindful of social media, because all that impacts who I am. And I want to be the purest person that I can be without those things impacted me in a negative negative stance. So that's what brought me to wanting to help others because people will ask, Well, how did you do that? And so it's like, okay, I can be your example. But you have to do this, like I tell people. So I want to be slim. I call it slim, fine, or at least healthier. but can't nobody go to the gym, but me. If you want to do it, you have to do your own setups. And I always be honest, I tell people, it's not an easy journey. But it's a doable journey. If you choose to take that first step.

Kit Heintzman 47:52
Would you share a bit, you had mentioned having markers that indicate likely worse experience of COVID when one catches it. Would you share a bit about your health journey prior to the pandemic?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 48:09
Prior to the pandemic. My health journey was thrown because, let me go way back when I was like in middle school in elementary, it wasn't as bad. But when my abuse started getting worse, my health started getting worse because I was hurting. I just wanted peace and I wasn't at peace mentally, physically, none of those things. And so that manifested in health problems. And one thing that I did notice, is like when I did before COVID When I started working on my mindset and working on my eating habits, because it's like I started noticing that I ate not because I needed to live I ate because that was my out. Some people choose drugs. Some people choose alcohol well eating was mine. And it's not that I was hungry. It just was my out. And I didn't choose the best foods. And so part of that was because I thought that if I would get overweight, then my abuser would stop touching me. Well, that didn't work. And so it was like part of my out. But then when I finally did start to come to myself because my children was my life, I still didn't quite love myself when I had them. Even though I got married. I love my husband, but I still was loving other people because I was groomed into taking care of others more than myself. So I had to learn that and I had to unlearn a lot of the other stuff and reparent myself for the things that I needed for Veronica. And so so with that whole journey was my eating habits, not eating everything on the plate, if I wasn't holding, let myself know, it's okay that if I only want to have, it's okay, you're not going to get punished, you're not going to get beat for not eating everything. No, it's not saying that you're not grateful. And no, you don't have to think about other children on the other side of world wishing they had that you is enough. So it's enough. And so we're doing that, I was able to get off a lot of my medication. With my mindset, I didn't have to take my antidepressants no more, because I started grounding myself with my spiritual practices. And I was able to release the utilization of a lot of medications. But at the same instance, I was also more aware of my body. So like, when my son started going through his challenges with COVID, and needed to be hospitalized, not COVID itself, because he didn't get COVID. But him be going into depression, because this does seem with George Floyd, and then stuck with COVID, because he takes on everybody's energy as well. And he didn't know how to control it. So he went into serious depression, which means as a mom, I'm concerned. So no matter how much I know, I was like, Oh, Jesus, I know, I'm gonna get a little thrown off. And I wouldn't say I was looking good, but I know you, you still can't control everything. Even when you're grounded. It's a process. Because you're still human. And so I went to my doctor, I said, I'm coming to check on you coming to check with you, I need my sheet. So I can still monitor my blood pressure. Because I know even though I'm doing all my grounding practices, I have my intentional rituals in the morning and evening time to keep my grounded going. I say, I know this is bothering me, because this is my child. And so I just monitored and sure enough, after why I did have to start taking my blood pressure medicine because it was elevating too high. And then once it got back down, then I was able to weigh myself back off again. But you have to be honest with yourself and know what you can and cannot do. And to me, that's a part of me being aware, and knowing that self awareness about myself. So

Kit Heintzman 52:24
Is there anything else you'd be willing to share about your son's depression?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 52:30
Well, yeah, it stems from generational trauma. Because even after I was married, and came out of it, and they told me, I couldn't have children. And when I found out I was pregnant with him, I was almost five months because, this is a little personal, cycle was still going, but my insides were so messed up. And I had endometriosis, too. They were saying that I would never, ever have children. And that bothered me. And because I just felt kind of empty. Like, something was wrong with me, even though I had no control of what had happened. That's just my feeling. And well, now, he had two stays. The first one because he came home and, and that's why I said the importance of teaching because he came home one day, and he hugged me. But it wasn't the normal hug. Soon as he got off the bus. I said, David, are you okay? And he said, Mom, I need to go to the hospital. And I thought earlier that day, because he texts me. And he said, Mom, it's not working. I say what's not working. He say my mom I tried all the breathing. And I tried all of this. I tried everything you taught me it's not working. I say Well, David, do you need me to come get you? And he was like, oh, no, Mom fine. So he because he knows, the way I work is kind of hard to take off at times. And I was like I said, but Okay, so I just kind of left it because I knew he would tell me if something was really bad. So I thought, but he had called. When I call he texts because he was at school. He texts, a suicide hotline because of the suicide ideations he was having. And when he came home, he said, Mom, I can't do it anymore. I need some help. So we brought him to the hospital. And and they admitted him because of it, the suicide ideations that he was having or what have you. And I'm just so grateful that I was able to teach him different tools for him to be aware of the thoughts to be aware that the thoughts he was having was not serving him and those weren't the best thoughts. And even once he came out the first hospital, he was like, Mama, it felt like a cow herd. And I was like, what does that mean? He said, Mom, I felt like all they wanted was a check. They didn't do nothing to really help me. And he was like, and I'm still in the same place. So after a couple of days, he went back to the hospital and in fact, he was in a hospital for his birthday. And when he came out, and it was a process, because he had to go back because he became a cutter, because he was like, Mom, I'm feeling numb and, and he would come back. He was like, Mom, I don't want you to just sit there, I would never judge me judge you. And so having an open conversation, he felt comfortable telling me the thoughts he was having in everything. Because all of my children had their own therapist. Because I tell them if your mind is not right, you can go to all the primary care doctors you want. It's not gonna help because everything starts with your mindset. And so now I'm watching him grow, even with his uncle's transition, because he's in he's been in grief therapy. He say, Mama, I'm just not ready to accept that yet. And to me, that's huge, because he's self aware of what he's willing to accept, say, I know he's not here. But I'm just not willing to accept it. And that's okay. So that's part of my why is when I see things like that, and, and to be able to go through, grow through that process with him because like now, he's like, Mom, yesterday, he's like, I have my first job. But I'm not as happy as I should be. And I was like, why? And I knew what it was, but I just tried to let him talk. He said, because my Uncle's not here. I shared everything with him. He understood me. I say, Well, remember, he said, Mama, don't you go there? He said, Yes, I know, I can talk because we're spiritual beings, who say, however, I want to touch him. And I was, like I say, I know exactly what you're saying. But it's just to get people to talk and not hold those things in, to me is what's most important. And so I see so much growth in him. And and that gives me gratitude. So because it stems from me, going through my depression, and then carry on to him generational, and my other children too, but I see growth, and then it's a process with our new normal.

Kit Heintzman 57:09
You've mentioned the murder of George Floyd as a part of percentage trigger. Yeah. Would you share something about how COVID was not the only thing we weren't dealing with in the last two years, and sort of the weight of that?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 57:31
Well for him because we have African American descent. And for him as a male at that time, I think he was 15, 14 going on 15. And he's a helper like I am. And he knows because I teach people, we don't look at skin, we look at heart and teaching them that it hurts when everybody doesn't subscribe to that. When you have others that judge you because of things they were taught, and they don't even know you. And it made him nervous. And he says he shut down. He slept for four days straight. I couldn't get him up at all. And that was with him being on antidepressants and what have you. Anyway, I'm hospitalized and again, to try to get his medicine regulated, because being the mother of three brown boys, it's challenging. I'm not as nervous about my daughter, even though I have concerns for as I am for them, because some people prejudge you. They prejudge me. And I can only imagine how it is for them as males, and then watching things that go on in the world. That's what I kept trying to tell him. Because their children and social media was the thing. And I'm saying was because he sees now the importance of not following all that stuff. Because to me, what, whatever you think about your look about that's what you bring about. It does not mean you don't be aware, it does not mean it does not mean or educate yourself what's going on. It just means don't eat, sleep, drink it all day. And that's what he was doing. And so when he did those things, that really took a toll on him. And so I was like, David, I need you to stop overthinking it. And so dealing with racism, dealing with looking at things even at the time, when our president was in because I always teach I don't care who it is you still respect the person but then when you see certain people start responding a certain way that some that you thought were your friends or not your friends because I went to a school that was mixed, and then when you start seeing certain traits come up it just It takes a toll on you, it took a toll on me. But then I had to back away because I'm like, You know what, I'm dwelling on this too much. I'm not going to live in fear, I'm not going to do these things. If they choose to let that eat them up because of not liking me because of the color of my skin, and they don't know me, that's their choice. But I'm not gonna subscribe to that.

Kit Heintzman 1:00:24
What are some of the other issues of the last two years that have been taking up space in your mind and heart,

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:00:31
We've been having a lot of people transition. So dealing with a lot of grief. And it's not just from COVID its with cancer. Because we stay in a state with a lot of plants in it. And so it seems like a lot of people have cancer and stuff like that. So dealing with that, dealing with jobs slowing down, dealing with wearing masks, dealing with people looking at you different if you just sneeze it was a whole it's a whole bunch of stuff, just life in general. And it seems to be amplified. Because we have more time to our self. Because to me, like when you kind of stay busy, your mind is kind of preoccupied. But when you sit into yourself, because you had to quarantine or you have to do this, it just it shifts your mindset. And it has shifted in a negative direction if you don't control it.

Kit Heintzman 1:01:39
When you got back from the hospital the first time, what are some of the things that changed in your household around safety precautions.

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:01:53
Some of the things is we will eat off paper use paper and plastic and everything will be thrown away. We kind of stayed in our rooms. We didn't eat together for a period of time. I kept my mask on even after I smiled and said that I was fine. I wouldn't, I would be mindful of touching my kids. I did extra cleaning. Just touching a knob as soon as you touch something, I'm sanatizing. So I started breaking out real bad because I started, I think, over cleaning myself. If there's such a thing it then we don't we didn't go out as much because we used to love going out and going places. That kind of changed. It was it was it was a whole lot that just it shift. Like I say our new normal shifted tremendous. It shifted tremendously. And even now, it's like you want to go on vacations and your concern special like with the new thing coming out with a monkey pox. It's like, Okay, should we go? Should we not go? Should we just do something at home? And we still do things but you're just extra precautious?

Kit Heintzman 1:03:26
Are you still doing that level of cleaning and precaution?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:03:31
Yeah, we still clean we still do this. I don't sanitize as much. But I am more mindful of what I'm touching. So like before, when I used to touch a lot of things, I touch less, if that makes sense. And then like if I'm having I'm gonna just use an example my pay my pen. I don't share certain things. I have certain things that I do share with others. Like they say, do you have a pen I can borrow? I have a specific pen for others is I just I'm just in this one specific one that I just use for myself. So it's just different things like that because I have a habit of putting my pen in my mouth. So I know if I'm using that pen I don't have to be concerned about and that's another thing. It's like even touching my mouth, my ears, my eyes. I don't do that as much I used to. They used to be a habit that I have when I'm thinking I will be rubbing. I don't do that as much because it's like okay, did I sanitize my hands before I did this? Because I don't want germs to get in. It's all those wonderful things that have changed.

Kit Heintzman 1:04:34
I'm curious, what does the word health mean to you?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:04:39
Health to me, me. doing the best that I can do. And live in was best for me so I can be present. So I can enjoy life to the best of my ability within whatever ramifications of stippling loosens I can because like, for some people, health will look like, okay, Being perfectly fit or being skinny, that's not healthy for me. Health for me means being at my best. Um physically it, it may not be the thinness, but it's healthy for me to were if I'm walking up the stairs, I'm not out of breath. If I'm doing certain things I want to do with my kids, I can do it without certain stipulations. That's what health looks like. And it's not saying that I may not have cycles have challenges with high blood pressure, or having challenges with even with my sugar levels raising up. It just means that being mindful of these things, and, and doing everything with intentionality, so I can enjoy life, for as long as I have on this earth.

Kit Heintzman 1:05:59
You've mentioned having a grounding ritual in the morning, would you share more about that?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:06:06
Oh, yes, well, before my feet hit the floor. When I open my mind, my eyes, I always say, at least two or three things that I'm grateful for. I always wake up with gratitude, then I do my meditation, then I'll do my prayers. And to me, meditation is just, it's a little, it's some people look at meditation as praying, I do it a little different. Because like, well, my meditation, I may play, like sound bits, just to do my breathing, to kind of set my intentions for the day. Then, after I've done that, then I may listen to different songs, that's gonna bring up my mood, I say my affirmations. And I do that faithfully every day. If I happen to be running late, even when I'm running late, I'm going to get in the car, and I'm going to do an abbreviated version of it. But I'm going to always do it. My other grounded ritual is throughout the day, if something happens to happen, and it kind of all centers me, I go sit to myself to reground I have a worry stone is a stone that I some people may have beads or whatever. But it's something that I can focus on with my breath. Because if you focus in on your breathing, it stops those negative thoughts because you actually being intentional with your breath. So I do that. And at nighttime. I do something similar. I don't do my affirmations. But I still do something that I was grateful for throughout the day. And I say my prayers, but then I also watch animals videos or things to make me laugh, because laughter helps to elevate your mood. And it also if I hadn't had a rough day, I'm going to end with laughter. I always end with laughter No matter what it is, I'm going to laugh. And I'm going to find something to be intentional with laughter. And then when I do that, it helps me sleep. Because my mind is not constantly going. And if it does, if it does happen to where I have something on my mind, I have my junk journal. And what it is, is a journal that I keep next to my bed, if I get up, I write whatever is on my mind, and nine times out of ten once I get it off my brain, I can go back to sleep. And that's what I do.

Kit Heintzman 1:08:27
What does safety mean to you?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:08:28
Safety means to me being aware of my surroundings, safety means having my needs met. Because that helps me feel safe. Safety also means not living in fear. Because in spite of what's going on in the world, I'm going to be intentional with being careful. But I'm not going to live in fear.

Kit Heintzman 1:09:15
How are you feeling about the immediate future?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:09:19
I'm feeling positive. I have so much joy of I don't go so far in advance. Because that's when you start living in the what ifs and you're not living in the present. So I feel grateful because where I am right now and the things that I'm doing, I know that it will be make an impact on the world. And that's just the way that that's the way I look at life as like I'm not going to be impactful. And so that's how I look at things.

Kit Heintzman 1:09:55
How do you talk to your children about staying in the present?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:10:00
So the way that I talk to them about that is I let them lead by example, we kind of just have things going on. I say, okay, if I'm always thinking about, okay, just just going, like I just said, I say you really present? It was like, no, because I'm thinking about stuff that I have to do. I say, so what is one way that you can alleviate that? What is one way you can be intentional? And so one will say, Well, okay, Mom, I can write it down. Because like you tell us if we get it out of our head, if it's something that's bothering us, saying, that's true. And so I teach them about journaling. That's why I teach them about going to therapy, because the you can't be present. If you if he's in your head with all those thoughts, because you're going to hit those thoughts will be so loud, so you can't hear yourself read. And so it's controlling the negative thoughts. And not subscribing to those things. Yes, should be aware, yes, you know, need to be mindful. But that shouldn't be your driving force, everyday to in everyday in anything that you're doing. And that's how you to meet learn how to be present. Because it's turning down those negative thoughts, those things that screaming at you, and say, You know what, no, thank you. I know that this is a part of my fight or flight. I'm pretty good. And it's just being self aware. And that's how I teach them.

Kit Heintzman 1:11:25
Oh, please go on.

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:11:27
I say that's how I teach them. And it's the ongoing process. Because you have, they have to learn how to keep risk self directed themselves. But I also have to learn how to step back, and basically teach them how to fish and I keep fishing for them.

Kit Heintzman 1:11:42
How did you talk to them about COVID, and how things were changing over time?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:11:49
I listen, I listen to their feelings. And I validated whatever their feelings were, because whatever feeling it was, it was true to them. So it's valid. And then I also tell them, I say I want you to always to do your own research, to the best of your ability if they say that this is because of this well, is it true? Or is it just something that they're trying to tell you to plant fear in your heart. And so um, that's how I talked to him about it. I was like, Y'all don't want to live in fear. I want you to be mindful, I want you to be intentional. And I just want you to be careful, but not to where you live in with anxiousness. If you start feeling anxiety, then you're not being careful. You're living in fear you live in in stress. And you don't want to do that, because that's when you want to set off your fight or flight. And that's a practice that they learn all the time. And they're still getting, they're still working toward it, but it's getting better.

Kit Heintzman 1:12:53
What's marriage been like for you during the pandemic?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:12:58
It's been wonderful. And what I mean by that, is, you really see what, what your spouse is made of. And you really see how much with the things that I've been through how much he truly loves me, which I knew he did to stay through the stuff that I've been through, and that he had to deal with when I was going through my depression. But it has made our communication stronger. Because we couldn't be close for a long period of time, six months. So we had to be creative with the way that we did it. Whether he was outside the room or whatever, or texting. We did, we did this just journal where we had this marble notebook. And we were like write notes to each other. And so I will pass it to him and he will write it so it made my marriage stronger, believe it or not.

Kit Heintzman 1:13:56
Now you you've talked a lot about the present. So if that question doesn't make sense, then just pass. But I'm wondering what are some of your hopes for a longer term future?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:14:09
Some of my hopes the longer term future would be there is more globally, is that people will learn to accept people and know their exceptionalities for this that person, because you don't know what a person's truth is. It's just like even now. I don't look at comedy the same. And what I mean by that is if you have to laugh at someone, something that may be hurtful to someone else, is that really funny. And so my thought process about these is truly changed. Also, my hope is that people will start seeing people as people, and not as a color and start relearning things that were not positive, growing up, and to start shifting from looking at individuals, whatever their differences is, but loving that person, as a person, because to me, when you start loving that person, as a person, then you won't be having people, like they say, hurt people hurt people. When people start to do that, then you start the healing process, in my opinion of the world. And over time, if that starts to happen, then the world will start to shift, we will be more mindful of putting things in the air that's going to hurt our world, we'll be more mindful of what we're doing animals, because they have feelings, too, we will be more mindful of how we treat someone or our expectations of our loved one, because they don't meet what I'm looking at, to learn that you know what, it's okay. Because they have their own mind. And am that that that's, that will be my hope.

Kit Heintzman 1:16:22
What are some of the ways that you've been taking care of yourself?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:16:27
I've been extra intentional with my self care. Like when my brothers transition, the day that they were having a viewing, I scheduled me a massage. I also set aside time. On Wednesdays, I normally do my showers, but on Wednesday is my spa day. And it doesn't mean that money, it means me getting out my candles, fixing up my bathroom. And my children no, I don't want to see no fingers. Nobody knocks on that door, if I taught them how I want to be loved. Because so many people, they look for someone to fix them, or they look for their spouse or their person to be, the person is going to come by they don't know what you want. You have to tell them what you want. And then you lead by example. And so that's what I do with my self care is like I teach my children, if I'm getting out the car for work, they don't know what kind of day I've had. And I don't know what kind of day they have. How ever I do know that I can be me if I want to. So I'm intentional with not doing that went out and had a rough day. So I taught them give me some time to have a mommy time for me to wind down. So they know, even if it's something I tell him if it's something important, don't give me mommy time, let me know. But like when I'm getting out the car, they'll come and help or do different things. And they say How was your day? Okay, we're gonna give you some time, then we'll get like reconvene. And I do the same thing with them. I don't just come straight out saying, oh, I need you to clean this do this didn't know they didn't have a long day at school. I don't know what they didn't experience. So I give them that same grounding time for them themselves as well. And so that's some of the things that I do for myself care is that I'm just intentional with my meditations. I'm intentional with my massages I'm intentional with sometimes go and have my my pedicure by pedicure, manicure, I'm intentional with my health. I love going to me squeeze get my juices and doing my detox or my colonics every now and then. I'm very intentional with that. And that's what I do for me.

Kit Heintzman 1:18:39
How do you think historians of the future might remember this moment?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:18:43
I think because history also repeats itself. And my hope is that historians will say you know what? We're going to learn from these testimonies. So the negative aspects don't have to repeat themselves. And so we can evolve into not just being advanced in technology, but being advanced mentally, and evolve like that. And that's what I think they're going to do.

Kit Heintzman 1:19:19
What are some of the things in history you wish you learned more about?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:19:24
I wish I learned more about not putting so much emphasis in adults in others thinking that they can give me what I need to make me who I am. I wish I would have know to you know what bleen what's positive and release what's not serving me. Because a lot of times, like I tell my children I say I'm not perfect. And you don't come with a manual. So if I I happen to do something that will offend you or hurt you. I'm sorry, that's not my intent. Because I'm not perfect. And to me, that's what I wish I would have known to know that people are not perfect. And to not put so much stake in it. And if a person lets me down, like it's the end of the world.

Kit Heintzman 1:20:21
What do you think academics in the humanities, so departments like in literature and sociology and political science. What should we be doing right now to help us understand the sort of human social side of COVID-19?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:20:39
To me, I think they're doing it, they're talking about it, they're doing better with them mental wealth side, and I don't say mental health, I say mental wealth side, is that they're bringing these issues to the forefront. Now, one thing that I wish they would do is learn to respect people, like politicians, respect people's bodies for themselves, and not try to regulate that because of different agendas you may have. Because to me, when you stop having agendas, and just appreciate people for people, the world to me is so much better. And it can be so much better. And I would just hope that they would just keep building and keep documenting the power of the mind. And key teaching people the power of needing to be able to be mindful and new about self regulation, be self awareness, to learn how to build those relationships, skills, not at your disadvantage, at the expensive, you're not loving yourself. So that's what my hope will be.

Kit Heintzman 1:21:55
I'd like you to imagine speaking to a historian watching this in the future, far enough away, that they have no lived experience of this moment. What would you tell them is really, really important to remember about right now, as they went to write a history of COVID, what would you say, can't be forgotten?

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:22:22
I would say, don't go into the labs, playing with things to try to control people. Just let life be. Don't think that you, you, you feel because you've reached a certain point that you have, instead of just letting life be that you feel that you have to control or orchestrate things that you think needs to transpire. Just learn to live and not be so controlling. And to me with that, I think life and civilization will continue beautifully.

Kit Heintzman 1:23:10
I want to thank you so much for the generosity of your time and wisdom of your answers. Those are the questions I know how to ask right now. But if there's anything you'd like to share that my questions haven't made room for, please take some space and do that.

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:23:31
I cant think of anything else is just, I say over time, I would just want people to know to trust themselves. Know that everything that you need is within you. And whatever you don't need, you know how to go find it. You know, learn how to self parent yourself. Don't put so much stake in your parents because they can only give you what they were given. And so it's up to us, each generation to evolve better. Not bitter. And so many people stay in a bitter because they did this to me. That's true. They did do it. But what can you do to change it for the next person? And that's what my hope is is like okay, yes, we did these things during these years. Yes. We wanted to find that out. Yes, we had these hypotheses. And our minds was curious. But when is enough enough, learn to find that boundary. When is enough for saying you know what, of living in on what they did? Or what can you do to change it? And that's what I would say.

Kit Heintzman 1:24:45
Thank you so much.

Veronica Pryor-Faciane 1:24:46
You're welcome.