Quarentine and Self-Reflection: A Time To Work On Oneself

Text Story

When the pandemic started, I was told that we were staying home for two weeks. My first thought was “Sweet. An extended spring break.” I thought I would have to come back to school after those few days and continue on with my life as it always has been. I was wrong. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and before I knew it, I had lost an entire year of my life. I had no human contact outside of my family that entire time. I was kept in my room all day, everyday. After a while of online school and nothing else going on, I think that's when something had snapped inside of me. I experienced self reflection. With all of that time and no one but me, I just looked at myself, looked back into everything I have done and pondered on what I wanted to do with myself. I was already aware of how insignificant I was and how little I have done in life but I did not really understand just how little until I had that time to myself. I already had a list of things I wanted to change about myself and things I wanted to do so I think that is when I began working to be better. I spent a lot of time alone practicing how to act more patient and be friendlier. I practiced baking, I took care of babies a lot, I appreciated the little things I always have since I was young like a video game I play called Minecraft, I began documenting and recording everything I did, I studied foreign language, etc. Soon I started to make changes to myself. When I got mad, I would think of my nephew or I would imagine I am watching the kids and remember that I have to be patient with them. I practiced self love so when I got major depression episodes or anxiety attacks, I was able to comfort myself easier and walk myself through my struggles. I also cut back on the food I ate and the types of food I ate. I lost about 10 pounds in one week and I was super proud of myself especially since I was working out like every day. I was in really good shape and proud of myself for that. I had better stamina and my clothes fit better and I was getting a lot of foreign language practice in and I finished learning how to read and write korean as well as some simple vocabulary and sentence structure. I improved on writing since I wrote a lot more and helped develop my techniques and practiced some drawing. I spent a lot of that time sitting alone in my room and adjusting to that silence. I've improved as a listener and began to crave silence all the time. My life has not been peaceful in the least bit but I have been able to find peace within myself which has really helped in the long run so far. Having improved on myself and re-exploring hobbies and interests of mine, I was reintroduced to the loud and crowded public abruptly to which I responded with an anxiety attack but then I got more comfortable. I was super shy at first but now I feel generally happier all the time and I believe that has helped people around me relax and enjoy my presence more. I am glad I seem less threatening or mean because that is all I have been called my entire life. I am still weird and awkward and I am not anyone’s first option but I am glad I am not the last option now. My goal now is to enlist as soon as I can and go into community college. Once highschool ends for me then I will begin my life and I am super stoked about that. I have a few ideas of what I can do after highschool so I am just waiting it out now. At least this much good came out of quarantine.

Magdalena Shaw

2020